Diary of a Crazy Red-Head

The triggers

So I don't especially like Thursday nights. It's trash night. I might have blogged about this before...but I can't remember. When my dad was alive, I would go over at nights and when I left, he would walk me out and we would have our best conversations. He always started with how beautiful it was outside (weather wise). And then it just always was about life or my mom or sports. It was really just the best father/daughter time. We did this up until about 2 weeks before he died.

 

So Thursday nights...trash night. I go over to my mom's to take it out and it triggers my sorrow. I really miss those nights. I really don't do a trash night without breaking down. Sometimes I feel really weak. Other times, I think it's probably the best thing in the world for me. 

 

Tonight was especially hard. Tonight, I opened a check my dad had received from a pathology doctor for an overpayment on  6/29/2007. Yes, 5 years ago. Two days after his first surgery. Lord, that seems like a lifetime ago and just yesterday at the same time. So hard to explain. It's painful. It's amazing to think how different I am now. How different life is. It's hard to say...Life is Good without feeling guilty. Honestly, life is very good...just my dad isn't here and that sucks wads. But our life is really great. Our family has bonded and we really are in a good spot. 

 

I am sure that everything I feel is normal. Sometimes I feel displaced. Sometimes, I feel like I am exactly where I am suppose to be. I have learned not to question much about my emotions, but to go with them. If I didn't have those emotions, I would question my love for my dad. For me, those emotions equal my love that seems is going strong. Sometimes, it's good to just get it out. 

 

Hey dad, I miss our Thursday nights. I miss talking about politics. I hate the world I live in. So much hate and division. Sometimes common sense seems like a thing of the past. The economy still bites. But John still has his job and I know you were concerned about that. Alexis is learning to drive and doing great in school. You would be so totally proud of her. She is a true beauty inside and out. Last night, John thanked me for loving him. I picked a good one in that guy. Mom is doing okay. I worry about her and try and get her to socialize more. We miss you a lot. Even Pebbles. You can tell she is waiting for you to come home.  The Coyotes are doing great and I miss those calls after the game. John and I reminisce about the old hockey games and how fast you would leave the games afterwards. It makes us laugh. We went to the Glendale City Council meeting and I have my car painted with propaganda. You would tell me to stop being liberal (I know I am not and that you are smiling at that comment). Thank you for loving me so much. I always think .... could I just have 5 more minutes with you. I know another year would still have not been enough. I never thought I would experience a broken heart...but I have and it makes me appreciate every moment so much more. I love you. I miss. 

No mundane here!

One strictly fabulous weekend! Lots of hockey...2 wins. If the season ended today...it's been fabulous. Whether it's cheering the team on at home or with friends or at the arena, it's been such a great experience for us. Oh and all the new friends we have met. I just love every single bit of it.

 

And Saturday was the big 70's birthday party for Mr. Arnold. Every party should have dancing! It was absolutely freakin' so much fun dancing the night away. I am hoping we make this a tradition. 

 

Needless to say, I am exhausted but everything was so worth it. 

 

I have my to-do list updated for this coming week and another weekend filled with events and games. Really looking forward to the end of the school year and a fun summer with my peep. We have so many things we want to do. Everything is on hold now (because of the Cup), but we will have plenty of summer to whoop it up!

Plugging along

I rarely have a day that goes "as scheduled". I really have learned to just go with it. Warning more mundaneness:

Today, I cleaned. Yeah whoop! LOL Actually, I spent the day at my mom's. Looking back on today, I decided to make it sound more official:

Today I was a:

Chauffeur

Pool Girl

Housekeeper

Private Investigator (she got some weird phone calls)

Laundry Maid

Window Washer

Mail Girl

Cook

Accountant

My pay was a big huge from my mommy...well worth it!

Then I was:

A media consultant to my hubby

Creative advisor

Comic relief

Pool Girl (yes again)

My pay was an "I love you babe" from my man...well worth it!

Then I was:

A teacher to Alexis (final essay)

My pay was "thank you Mama G, I love you and a big hug"....ahhhh well worth it indeed.

Then I was:

YES THERE IS MORE! 

A vet for my chubby corgi. She's been on antibiotics for 3 weeks. She can't talk, but if she could I know she would thank me for making the itch go away and for the gourmet meals that have helped her lose 2.5 pounds (that's good when you have 8 to lose!)

Some would call me "Just a stay at home mom". I am okay with that. It's what my family thinks of me...not those that judge without knowing.

 

Right on Schedule!

So I missed blogging because I was random about when I posted (time of day) but now I realized that I have a good time to blog. Each night, John and Alexis go to bed fairly early. Always before 10pm. I am up into the wee hours. I watch "Everyone Love Raymond" every night. (I love it. Tonight it made me laugh and cry~Robert and Amy's wedding). So I sit and I catch up on my reading, games, TV and enjoy time to myself. Hence, a perfect time to reflect, mediate, plan, blog.

 

I have found a certain balance or harmony in my life over the past few months. It's far from perfect, but it's a work in progress. My life has been very random for a long time. When you take care of others as a career...life is certainly uncertain. I really needs some sort of schedule, but I hate regimented schedules.

 

A couple of months ago, I started working on a to do list. Rather than it being a "this needs to get done this week" sort of list, it has become a "these are things that I would like to get done...eventually" list. What a difference it has made in my life. It started out as 29 items. It's been as low as 14 items. If I see something that needs to get done, I log it. When I complete something I highlight it. I do wish that I hadn't have deleted the finished stuff. I think it would be great to look back on and say.."look what I accomplished". It's never to late to start tracking things.

 

Some of the list items are big (like the pavers), some are little like take box to POB, some require commitment (drink lots of water), some don't (order Torani). But mentally I am tracking what I get done each day. It's keeping me on track. I share the list with John occasionally and he has helped with some of the items. I am so fortunate to have such a helpful and thoughtful hubby! :) 

 

Along with this, I started a new cleaning schedule. Actually, I read about it on Pinterest, decided to try the Sherine version. The article was basically about why motels say so clean...because they are cleaned daily. NO I don't clean my house daily. But I do clean as I go. If a mirror looks icky, I wipe it down. Don't wait...do it! I do clean most of my house weekly now only because I made the effort to get it all clean once. Once something is really clean, maintaining it is easier and faster to complete. I throw linens in the washing machine once a week...not on laundry day but as soon as I get up on a morning I will be here at the house. After I drop Alexis off at school, I come home and spray weeds, clean the pool, whatever needs a little work. The little bit here and there really makes a difference. It's amazing how much I get done before 8am!

 

Also...dinner. At least 3 crock dinners a week. So easy. My family likes that the house smells great for a couple of hours leading up to dinner. Easy clean up. Yes, you have to prep a little, but it's worth it. And for us, because there are only 3 of us, there is usually left-overs for lunch. Usually a night or two of take-out or hockey food. 

 

Bills get paid the second they are brought in. No more stacking them on the desk. Pay, file, done. 

 

Is my house always clean? NO! But what used to take 4 hours, now takes 2. Along with my mega to do list, things are finally getting done around the Sawyer house. I laughed because the other day I installed a vent grill that was taken down when we moved in...almost 6 years ago! It's the little things that make me happy and my new schedule is helping me to spend more time with my family and time to take care of myself too!

 

(Oh yeah and this is very mundane. I kind of like mundane sometimes ;) 

February to April

Oh...there's some humor there. Well, I was going to let my subscription run out, but then I realized I had paid for it until like 2013 and they really just wanted updated info. Plus, I missed putting life down in words. I noticed there are a few diehards stopping by...so here we are. 

 

Not sure where to start. The last few months have been great...but rather than rehashing. I will move on from here. 

 

And to the person that complained about people blogging about their mundane lives...I like my mundane life. If you don't want to read...move on. 

 

My current favorite little motto:

One of my current favorite tunes...

  

 

Rolling on...

The first week of February has been so good. I am at such a good place in my life. I love the season I am in .

Last Monday, I went to lunch and shopping with Sherry. So blessed to have her in my life again. Teresa caught up with us for some girl slabbing. They gave me some great advice. I am glad that I am open to another opinion and viewpoint. I believe an open mind helps you grow personally and spiritually.

Tuesday, the fam went to McFaddens and the hockey game. I love that we have hockey in common. It's great family time and scream therapy is sooo much fun!

Thursday, we went to the shooting range with Marvin and Kathy. We are growing so close to them. I believe when people are taken from your life, God replaces that void. I love that they are so in love and that we share so many beliefs. I really don't like shooting, especially the noise. But I am getting good at it and I know that if I needed to  protect my family, I could. 

Friday, I spent the day with my mom. I had to start shredding paperwork. At first, I was terribly sad. I found check stubs from 1995! I wish that I could go back to that day and tell my dad to go get a colonscopy. The things we need to say to people that come too late. There were checks to people that are no longer alive in our lives, both physically and emotionally. My parents are charitable people and so many have taken advantage of them. I saw checks for new dogs, cars, stamps, hockey tickets. It really was a stroll down memory lane. The best was a check for Ember's neutering....my dad made the check out to "Dr. Snip Snip". I loved his sense of humor. 

Friday night, Alexis and I had a girl's night. We have spent the last year really getting to know each other. We were watching Paula Deen and her son and having a good time laughing at them. Then decided to hit Yogurtini because Paula was making double chocolate bread pudding.

Saturday night, we went to the hockey game with Dino and Bob, John's friends from high school. They are so awesome when they are all together. I laughed so much. I love how guys don't have drama. They can say exactly what they feel without some getting their tighty whiteys in a wad. 

Sunday, we hit Cabela's for bullets. Soooo exciting! LOL NOT! But I discovered their camping section and decided we need to get a smoker. I absolutely love outdoor cooking. We brought some chips, but are researching cookers. We BBQ'd with the chips and made steak and grilled veggies. So yummy. We watched the Super Bowl. I don't like Madonna, but I love Cee Lo. Then we hit the firepit for smores. It was a perfect day!

I am feeling so much better now that my thyroid meds have stabilization. I am grateful for a good doctor that helped with my decision to postpone surgery. I feel so empowered right now. I am moving in a direction that feels right. I am getting old projects completed. I am eating better and exercising. I am embracing good things in my life...I am truly blessed.

 

 

 

The January that was 2012

Well, my interest in blogging has waned. But I promised myself I would at the very minimum do a monthly blog post just to jot my happenings down. I am horrible at reading other people's blog, so I really don't know why anyone would still be coming here. 

 

Anywho, January 2012 was fabulous. Truly a fabulous way to start a new year. I am sort of sad to see February on the calendar. But I am also excited with the prospects of new challenges and adventures.

 

So here is January 2012:

January 1st: Polar Bear Swim tradition. I can't find the photo...oops. We survived and will do it again until one of us has a coronary. 

California Road Trip:

Gail, Alexis and I adventured to California. Lots of laughter is so good for the soul

Staples Center to see the Coyotes and the Kings. Crappy officiating and a lose in OT

My girls in The Circle

Goofing on Chapman

This is what happens when you clean out a crappola shed and use up 17 cans of spray paint. This is now the home for my Christmas Decor. 

This is what happens when you don't put your tennis shoes back on for the final coats. Oh, and a healing broken toe.

Right about here...the 18th? The Coyotes/Red Wings Suite night. I have no pictures...none. But we had a fabulous time with Marvin and Kathy, Dominick and Alexis, Rudy, John, Steve, George and his wife and my hubby. I learned that I can fit 2 bottles of Bud Light, 4 bags of peanuts, 2 bags of Skittles and a box of licorce on my personal being. Coyotes lost. Some bitchy girl was offended by John's dead puppy sign. I put her in her place. Go me! 

GNO at Johnny Fox's with Teresa, Sherry, Gail, Dawn and Michelle. This is also known as the "I'm keeping my uterus party" formally known as the "Bon Voyage to my Uterus GNO". 

Winter Formal. She's my world and I love everything about her!

In here is the Buck Bash with Bill, Gail and Scott. Fortunately, there is no photos of this epic event. But the images are forever etched in my memory. 

Our first Coyotes Carnival...perhaps our last. But we loved every second of it. The players are first class and so charming and appreciative. I love hockey.

We ended our month with a play night with Marvin and Kathy at Mike's Rigatoni. Ate the Athenian pizza with feta and lamb. Not a fan. Came back to the house and had a pinball tournament. I love Marvin and Kathy. They are truly like my big brother and sister and I cherish them so much.

Hospice. If you look closely...in the back...you see the white Diner rounders. Even though the Diner is still a mess. All the donations are done. And could not be more happy about how the Diner turned out. God knew what I would need in 2012 and I am so grateful for the blessings He continues to give me.

 

So add in a couple more hockey games, a scheduled surgery, a postponed surgery, 2011 paperwork, massive amounts of organizing (including all my Christmas gear) and there you have it....January!

 

 

 

 

Ordinary Day...

On the 13th day of December

 

My favorite Christmas song. I have always loved it. Now it reminds me of all the Christmas Eves when we would watch Christmas Vacation with my dad. Shitter's Full. Classic. Timeless. Christmas will always have special moments, but it always has in-law moments too. It's just the season.

 

I haven't decided if we are going to keep this tradition. Seems sort of empty for me now. It's been a rough month. I haven't been healthy. Lots of sitting and thinking. I need to feel better so I can go and do and not sit and think. Tomorrow will be a better day...I just know it! I claim it! 

 

A break from Christmas prompts

It was about changes in Christmas and I really don't feel like being sad tonight. ;)

Today, I did something. Good I think. I am not posting this for my glory, but because I realize how one little thing can make a difference.

I was at a local grocery store shopping for my mom. I walked past the butcher area and there was a bit of a crowd. There was a lady talking very loud and looking like this:

Complete with spandex jogging pants and camel toes (the effect NOT the color). 

Anyways, she was very loud and was hitting the "door bell" for help. The butcher was standing right in front of her but helping another woman. The butcher at this store is awesome. He always helps me and is a geniunely nice guy. The "woman" starts yelling at him, "she is tired of waiting", "she needs the meat cut a certain way". UGHS! He politely tells her to wait while he is finishing up with the first customer. Meanwhile, a crowd is forming because she keep interuptng him and not able to finish what he is doing.

I went on my way and when I was checking out I noticed she was talking with the manager. Arms flailing, still talking loudly.  I was pissed and mentioned it to the cashier...she was like..."yeah we can't please anyone". I love the people that work at our grocery store. They know me. They are always kind and grateful we shop there. Why would I be rude to them over a rump roast?

So, I cashed out and started walking to the car. I am not happy with the situation. I stopped and just then the lady walked by. I wanted to call her out...but in my opininon arguing with someone like that takes me to their level and I wasn't going there. So I went back in, with all my stuff and talked with the manager. I told him she was being a bitch to the butcher (yes, I said bitch) and that the butcher has always been so kind to me and the service and quality is terrific. 

The manager was very grateful and said, "I was surprised with what she was saying too, but we can't watch everyone. Thanks for letting me know what happened." I left feeling good about myself.  I just thought...if he were my husband or dad, I would want someone to stand up for him. I probably was skipping to my car. LOL

As I am unloading my cart, this elderly lady walked up and said..."what you did in there was a very nice thing". It wasn't that she said that...it's that she took the time to say it. That made it all even better. It reminded me of this commercial:

 

Wouldn't it be nice if our world was like this? You know one by one we can make our days better.  Cliche and cheesy, but we can. Take the time out to right a wrong, a smile, help someone load their groceries, take in your neighbors trash cans. Easy stuff. It's the holidays, so these things should even be easier, but I am striving to be like this everyday. We can change the world around us. The more we dwell with our own problems, the more obscure the world around us. It's a good world if we take the time to make it so. 

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."  ~Erma Bombeck  I want that to be me!